Kung fu

Mama.my uncle,used to say that every time I set off for school-aikaraga anyitiriire mara na ngundi{he’d hold his breath until I closed school and went back home in one piece}Reason,he feared that it would be only a matter of time before I’d be sent home,for fighting.This was not mere talk,he had watched me beat up and even slap several of my cousins both younger and older if they chanced to say something thoughtless to me.He had seen way my eyes reddened and my hands trembled when someone bigger,like himself angered me and I couldn’t pay back.
Well,his fears almost came true.he knows nothing about it.I was 17 and in fourth form,anxious –to get out there-Biology wasn’t a favorite subject but since it was just notes and diagrams,I read them.
The teacher was a petite woman with an interesting accent.She had pets in the class,and the pets scored high.One time we were revising a paper we had done.I kept finding very many correct answers marked wrong on my paper.I got very incensed. So I walked up to the front and demanded that she corrects the unfair wrongs.
There were three streams each form.Two marks would see me almost twenty something steps down.
She said she wouldn’t correct them.
I insisted,she refused.So I took my papers in a huff and stumped off in righteous indignation.
-Come back here Cecilia!-
I just continued to my seat.I wont go into details of that shameful reaction,but that day,I almost raised my hand to a teacher.She must have ‘seen ‘ the fire going on inside of me,and may have even felt,say,a tiny bit of a shiver.I was substantially big then,a bit fat even.It had been a Saturday.Dress down Saturday,and that year,Bandanas were hot.
I didn’t look any bit like a peace crusader. We became buddies with the teacher after the incident.I wasn’ so bad,just when mad.
I calmed down for the rest of the year but I was always on the verge of giving someone a good thub,as we called it.
When I got into my first serious job,I was the only female in the Branch. It was not bad.But one guy kept calling me by a nickname I didn’t like.I warned him against it severally but he continued.One day there were three of us in the office,so the third guy goes to the server room.The other one with a bad habit tells me-pour me some coffee-the name-
I remember both of us were standing,so I turned and grabbed his shirt collar plus his tie, where the two meet, and held it in a very tight grip. I am strong and the grip was firm alright. He stood like an inch and half shorter.
-Don’t you ever call me that again!-
I shrieked to his face.Then held the grip a few seconds.
He was shocked!And embarrassed.
I was shaking.I thought he’d hit me.He said he was sorry,it was only a joke.
Later,the third guy told me I was mad.
The one I gave a shaking,,,,well,he told me sometime later that once I wanna get married,I should give him a call.Ha
That’s in the past now,as much as I trained for kick boxing and self defense.
I guess, I knew that it was either I fight my own battles or get crushed underneath.
Now, when I’m angry, I go silent.If I tried to speak,I’d stammer. Other times,I look for something to smash against a wall.Many times I just put on some music and exercise, or listen to instrumental music, Beethoven, some jazz. Yeah.
When it’s so bad,I get it out with tears.
I’m not a threat any more. So mama, relax.
Jan 07