I Won't Tell No One Your Name

Dear Pirowska,
I hope you are keeping well, I am too, my parents are having a dinner invitation at sir.Yul’s carriage, Kizac,my younger brother went along.So I have this old place all to myself and can collect my mind together and think what to write to you.I’ll give the letter to Andrea to give it to you when they pass your way.They are moving tomorrow.We would also be out of here but one of our horse, Mos, the brown one, hurt his ankle and he has to take a rest.The rains are coming you know,so we have to be careful with him.Father says we don’t wan’ have no more hurt on him.
i am still writing, poems mostly, though for the past week we have been practicing a new kind of dance,so I haven’t been writing much.
The dance is mixture of our usual roka dances,but faster,like a graceful bird.Scia suggested it be called –flamenco.It has a beat that goes with the foot rhythm.I am loving it.Jaaze from a neighboring carriage is a fantastic seamstress.She is making these firely dresses and scarves and stockings,out of pure red satin!We sure are gon’ blazing next time we perform.They say this time we can let our hair down.
I am fit to burst Pirow,I can put a big red flame bloom behind my ear!
There are lots of them here.I even learnt their name-red flame-a flower so big you could put in a wood glue tin in it.
Although all said, I am not so well.
My eyes smart from weeping.I would want to say it’s for no reason, but I am not so sure.
It is for a reason.
You remember Sam?I’ve mentioned him in my letters severally.He lives here,in a beautiful house near the sea.The house is wooden and has upstairs and down stairs.It has big windows that are as huge as gates.There is a staircase leading into their door-the front one.They also have a dog,Sca.She has long hair/fur[does a dog have hair or fur?} that falls to the legs.She looks like a head full of hair.A tough one too.Barks like a mongrel but won’t let anyone new into the compound.She birthed five puppies,Sam told me .
I want to tell you way Sam and I met.It was when he started coming to work in the same building where I supplied coffee grains.I used to take a fresh kilo every two days.First time I saw him, I really wanted to see his face but didn’t he kept turning away. I saw him when I went to deliver the coffee. I would just pass. He was always with a group of other citizens.After a while I started to notice way he interacted with his peers. He always stood off from the seated group, and seemed to be in deep thought. I once greeted them, he replied, and smiled. Another time,my customers were a bit late, so he came to stand with me as I waited. It was very easy to speak with him. We became good friends, and I loved him a lot.
We spent a lot of time together.He even came down here sometime. I never went to their mansion.Although I never asked if I could go, and in any case nobody invites roms as much is there?We are the ones who do most of the inviting-what with our home crafts and fortune telling women.
The customers at Sam’s building cancelled their orders and I stopped going there mother also took up some crafts which we sell from the carriage, I don’t have to go into town to sell anymore.
Me and Sam didn’t see much of each other.During that time, I also came to learn of some laws the guide us. I decided to take a stand for them, and for the community. Yes Pirow, we will soon have a government of our own, despite being scattered and unaccepted all over the places we dwell,and not being recognized.We will soon have a standing.I learnt that it is important that we remain together and by al means, avoid getting attached and even absorbed into the established nationalities that we find as we move along.A kind of an unspoken patriotism,for a coming government.Don’t get me wrong Pirowska,you are married to a citizen, and I respect your choice.------.
well, now both belong to that nation,and we are in your past,you say it not as smooth as you hopped. Didn’t solve the issue of pure patriotism it seems.I was thinking of that yesterday.When Sam took me to the city theatre,It was a public holiday in this country.We went to watch a musical -Fiddler on the Roof.I hadn’t seen him I such a long time,but he used to send letters.When I saw him I wanted to throw away all my convictions and go away with him.He said he didn’t care that I belonged not to his nation ,and as it is he is expected to find a girl of his own state-what use do I have a girl for our girls Chias? I want you.
He didn’t care that I looked different and spoke with an accent.He didn’t care that the other citizens saw him with a red haired girl from the carriages.
He said—he wanted to marry me and our differences will cease to matter.
Because we would be one flesh,and he would take care of my affairs.I laughed.
He said he was serious,he wanted to be with me.I asked-are you sure you want a wife Sam?He said no, but he wanted to be with me-he looked sad.I told him I couldn’t get married, not -because I wanted to learn how to cook selaa and nepsa-their tribe’s traditional dish. He said it wouldn’t be necessary, he would cook for me.I said I wanted to perfect my dancing skills and my poetry writing.He said his sisters would teach me what I needed to know.
He would build me a house, and re-direct a stream to cross the front yard.He would make a little perfect place ,just for us, and even buy be a few ponies for me to raise.
He said he wanted me because,incase he died,our children would be well taken care of—ha.
I said that was not possible I told him of our customs.Of our family ties, of our dances and celebrations and free mind living.I told him of evenings by a big fire sharing fables.Of our nomadic lifestyle, and how much these are part of our lives that living in the same place for more than six months would have me stark raving mad.
I talked of the government that we are hoping shall be formed,that we also, the Roma, may become a nation.How we love to talk of all that.The benefits that that government will bring.
I said-we meet with the entire clan every week,that we may report any indiscipline-would you attend them?Since once you marry me you’d become family?
-I don’t believe that what I do is anybody else’s business apart from mine-he said,and added,are you that into superstition?
I told him I didn’t agree with the citizen’s custom of wishing on the kissing stone at the city square on wedding days.I wouldn’t come with you to make a wish on our wedding day-i assured him.
The musical was great-like something I watched in Egypt when I was younger. Sam kept humming a tune, which made me sad,and is making me sad to write it.It is the song Iris by Goo Goo Dolls
and I don’t want the world to see me,
coz I don’t think that they’d understand,
when everything is meant to be broken
I just want you know who I am,
and all I can taste is this moment,
and all I can breath is your life,
for sooner or later it’s over,
I just don’t want to miss you tonight
he walked me back into the carriages and didn’t say a word to me.
He was aloof.
I was regretful.
He removed a note book from his jacket pocket and said it was for my poetry.I wanted top hold on to his hand,but I knew we were being watched.I wanted to hug him,to tell him- take me with you-
I wanted to forget all about the government that we’ll soon have.
He left.
I went into the carriage.
It was dark, elder’s evening,and my brother was asleep.I sat on a stool and started to hum a tune that started far,and reached me late;
-you could hide beside me,
maybe for a while,
and I won’t tell no one,you name,
I wont tell ‘em your name,
I won’t tell your name-
Sam gave a note to kizac this morning.He says he wishes me well.That he loves me and that may I find what I’m looking for,then some big words in his mother tongue which I didn’t understand and I felt insulted.
I sent him a note- I am not looking,I am waiting-
I have been thinking a lot.Feeling totally deflated.Wondering,did I just lose the love of my life?Thisman who loved me,who wanted to give me citizenship, who thought I was fair.Who saw me for what I am and not what others suppose? I’m I a fool to believe that it’s best to,just wait?Sigh.
Please write back.
Chias.