Has.2006

You’d never hurt me, I know baby.
Though I hurt you as deep as hurting can go,
It was not with pleasure know this,
Even though with flourish the letters curved.
I thought of it long and hard,
But with blankness my mind rewarded,
For my heart sep’rate you it didn’t,
Even where afar you sojourned,
Left this soul forlorn.
It was never intentional my beloved,
But seasons bring along plains of possibilities,
What if ?How about? Should I?
And trying such a common deed.

Comparing you was the last weapon.
When excuses and half delivered reasons failed.
‘Ona ndiramenya nita atia,’ said I
‘You know I have moved on’, I explained.
‘This is not working’, I stammered.
Then I pulled and grabbed for conviction,
For even I was not convinced.

Even with five stable reasons,
I wanted out, I wanted an end,
To all that was you and me,
I wanted to be lonesome again.
The timed meetings,
The unsure groping,
The blank eye contact
That were-oh so dear to me.

I loved you for you speech,
The way your words caressed,
You standing aloof, your eyes…
But baby you took that back.
You voice I missed, yourself I didn’t see.
I missed you, my heart ached.
I thought, maybe this was bad timing.
You didn’t see this did you?
I wrote you read, I talked you listened.
Deep inside I searched, looking for reason;
The reason for you.
To take my mind on a break.
Then you floated away
I thought you died, I grieved.
I thought you shifted ,I blocked my heart.
I thought you got broke, I wished I had cash.

Then you called, and brightly said you missed me.
Another long silence followed,
And I knew this was the end.
Acquaintance would rhyme better.
I told you - let’s part,
You said you had been ill.

Baby, if I said my heart,
If I said my heart is a new age cave,
Would you understand?
Would you believe if I said,
I am of one wet season?
My person is easily swayed, beaten and frightened?
That I don’t mean to hurt ,I hate to cause pain?
That I cause it more than I can account for?
That I stretch out gestures, that I fear.
That I’d rather escape before hurt come in?

This person I am doubts,
Is unwilling to trust,
Wary of positive gesture,
And is hardly ever sure?
Would you believe me if I said,
That I suffer verbally; even though this time,
This time baby, I really was sure.
26th July 2006